Love is a Pain in the Ahem
by Lumi Star
Summary: When his promiscuity causes the teachers to get involved in his love life, Draco teams up with a unlikely partner to break the curse so he can be with the girl he really wants.
1. Ch1 Broom Closet Mischief

Draco Malfoy was up to mischief. Again. He had sworn to himself that he was going to look for more quality girls this year. But as it was turning out, his 7th year at Hogwarts was going to be just like the rest.  
  
He was inside one of the school's many broom closets, with a girl who had just transferred to the school from Beauxbatons. She was unlike any of the other girls at Hogwarts, with her womanly curves and purple streaks in her dark brown hair. And the distinctive tongue piercing of hers didn't hurt either.  
  
He'd honestly been in the library, trying to study for McGonagall's damn Transfiguration class, when she'd walked in, sat down at a nearby table, and began shooting coy glances in his direction. After she'd dropped her quill for about the 3rd time, each occasion giving Draco a nice view down her low-cut blouse, he'd walked over, put on the Malfoy charm and introduced himself.  
  
Come to think of it, when she'd mentioned her name, it hadn't exactly stuck in his memory, but that was the last thing on Draco's mind. She was kissing him and he was loving it every second of it, learning and experiencing new things because her unique tongue stud. He'd worked his way under her shirt, feeling the warm and plentiful chest that was barely contained by the tiny scrap of clothing that was called a bra.  
  
She let out a moan into his mouth as he gave a quick squeeze to the gorgeous globes. She then moved her mouth to her neck, and began to give him a reminder of their make-out session. But as she did, her hair swept against a sensitive tickle spot on Draco's neck, and he couldn't help but let out a muffled laugh.  
  
"Shhh.," said the girl, who's name Draco couldn't have remembered for 100 Galleons.  
  
"Oh, hell, no one can hear us in here anyways. Nobody ever comes down this hallway anymore," replied Draco, eager to stop talking and get back to the business at hand.  
  
Unluckily for Draco, today was the day that Irony decided to pay a little visit.  
  
Professor McGonagall had just walked by, doing her daily patrol duty, and heard the stifled noises coming from the closet. _______________________  
  
A/N: I can't survive without feedback! I'd love any and all emails to be directed at luminarastrgazer@yahoo.com Much HP Love! Thanks! 


	2. Ch2 Caught RedHanded

Professor McGonagall stopped as she heard the muffled noises. Tilting her head to the side and straining to hear better, she found the sounds to be coming from a broom closet to her left. Turning the handle, she opened the door, only to find Draco Malfoy come tumbling out, with the brand new transfer student from Beauxbatons following suite.  
  
Quickly taking notice of both of their flushed faces and the girl's half unbuttoned shirt, as well as observing that Draco's normally immaculate hair was in complete disarray, she simply cocked an eyebrow with a mixed look of disappointment and disgust on her face.  
  
"Well, well, Mr. Malfoy. You certainly have outdone yourself this time. Miss Johansen has not even been at this school three days! Draco, I hate to tell you this, but enough is enough."  
  
"But Professor McGonagall, I was, I mean, we were, uh," stammered Draco.  
  
"What he means is that he was simply giving me a tour of this magnificent school," said 'Miss Johansen,' desperately trying to cover for both their asses.  
  
"And I hardly believe you were showing her the beauty of the broom closet. Save your excuses. I can only imagine what could have happened had I not found you sooner. Draco, I hate to do this, but you've been warned numerous times. This is out of my hands now. I will be informing Professor Dumbledore, as well as your father, Draco," replied McGonagall.  
  
"As for you Miss Johansen," she continued, "seeing that is your first offense, I am merely giving you a warning. But do know this--we do not tolerate this type of behavior at Hogwarts. If we have another similar occurrence, I will be forced to contact your parents as well."  
  
The girl got a very relieved look on her face as she thanked McGongagall.  
  
"I believe dinner is about to begin, so I suggest that head to the Great Hall," said McGonagall.  
  
With a simple, "yes, ma'am," the thoroughly humiliate student turned and walked away.  
  
"Come with me Mr. Malfoy."  
  
Draco's stomach dropped with those five simple words.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
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	3. Ch3 Performing the Charm

Author: Lumi Star Title: Love is a Pain in the *Ahem*-Chapter 3 Rating: R, but might be NC17 in later chapters. Pairing: Draco/Hermione Summary: Draco's promiscuity causes the teachers at Hogwarts to get involved. How will he break this charm (or curse as he sees it) to be with the girl he thinks he's falling for?  
  
__________________  
  
CHAPTER 3 ."Come with me, Mr. Malfoy," said McGonagall.  
  
With his stomach plummeting, Draco reluctantly followed her. After a dizzying combination of turns and twists, he found himself in a part of the castle he had never explored before. But when McGonagall said "fizzing whizbees" quite firmly and the wall in front of them slid open, he knew that this had to be Dumbledore's office.  
  
As they reached the top and entered, Draco had to remind himself to keep his jaw clamped shut. He looked around in subtle amazement, trying to take everything in at once. But a comment from Dumbledore brought him crashing back to reality.  
  
"Well, Draco, Professor McGonagall has explained to me the situation at hand. I agree with her that we must contact your parents," he said in a scolding tone.  
  
"Please, Headmaster, hear me out first," pleaded Draco, "if my father finds out that I've gotten into anymore trouble, he'll take me out of school immediately."  
  
Draco wistfully remembered his father catching him in a 'compromising position' with one of the maids over the summer, and the lecture he had received from Lucius about choosing the proper kind of girl he should be associating himself with. But he also cringed at the thought of what type of punishment his father would have waiting for him if he received similar news again from Dumbledore.  
  
"Furthermore," Draco continued, "as much as you might not believe it, I want to stay. Let me finish out my last year here." *I'll take the idiots here at Hogwarts any day over my father's wrath*. thought Draco.  
  
"Very well," replied Dumbledore, "you have stated a rather presentable case. I will not contact your father. However, I must take disciplinary action. Professor McGonagall and myself will be performing a charm on you that will prevent you from being in any more of the circumstances in which she found you today. The charm will work something like this: If you so much as think an improper thought, and I think you understand what I mean, then you will feel a sharp pain in your head, much like a migraine. But even if that does not stop you, and you decide to act on your thoughts, the pain will relocate to somewhere a little more, ah, fitting." He glanced very quickly at the area below Draco's waist.  
  
Draco simply looked at both teachers in disbelief. Seeing the look of shock on his face, Professor McGonagall responded with, "But if you think that facing your father would be favorable, please speak now."  
  
It only took Draco a moment to decide to let them perform the charm. They both took out their wands, and huddled together for a moment, to discuss the procedure, Draco assumed.  
  
They sat Draco down in one of the wooden chairs in Draco's office and told him to relax. With the simple words of "nomorso promiscato soledrid," Draco felt a tingling at the base of his skull, and looked expectantly at the teachers.  
  
"OK, Mr. Malfoy, you are free to go. Oh, and Draco, do know that there is one exception to the spell we just placed on you. If indeed you feel that you have truly fallen for someone, the spell will recognize the pure love in your heart. Only then with the charm be broken."  
  
Draco quickly nodded and thanked them both, then left the chamber, only to go pacing the halls of the castle again, his mind full of questions that would remain unanswered. ______________ ***A/N: There ya go, part 3! Oh, and if you want to send me any feedback, send it directly to luminarastrgazer@yahoo.com. I will no longer be accepting replies to any of the yahoo groups emails. Thanks! 


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